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He came into town on a cold, dry wind
Kicking up dust and blowing sand
The sun dimmed for a moment that day
The howling wind seemed to say
“He has the look of a dangerous man”

His eyes were hot and black as ash
Glaring at those whom he passed
A gun at his hip and a hidden knife
Surely he ended countless lives
Whispers rose like the hiss of snakes
“It’s plain to see, anyone can
He must be a dangerous man”

Not a word he spoke as he came through town
His mouth twisted in a constant frown
His footsteps echoed in an empty street
The locals hid when he came around
They closed windows with a tinny creek
Trying to avoid the dangerous man

He checked the inn where he planned to stay
The keeper shivered from his gaze
The man paid up front and spoke no words
That betray the thoughts of a dangerous man

The locals gathered around and spoke in fear
The Sheriff ran to grab his gear
The Pastor called out to his god
They wailed and cried out for a plan
Save us from this dangerous man

A young man named Johnny held his girl
As she trembled and shook with fear
"If you are a man you'll confront him dear
To save me from the dangerous man"

So he grabbed his knife and found the Inn
He snuck into a darkened room
And creeped to prepare his mortal sin
When the bed he had in sight
He stabbed the body 20 times
But when he turned on the light
It was not the dangerous man

He shook and screamed in his fright
He had killed a man without a fight
A crowd was coming, no room for flight
Fearing the law and the people’s might
He leapt from a dangerous height
His bones cracked, his blood ran out
And he died damning a dangerous man

The sheriff stood by the dead
And removed the hat from his head
“Two lives he has claimed today
How many more will he slay?
We must stand up before we lay
At the feet of a dangerous man”

A crowd gathered round to chant and cheer
With torches and knives they came right near
The old in, where it seemed too clear
That inside slept a dangerous man

The keeper cried as they threw the torch
He choked back a sob of tears
And watched it burn his life and home
“You must be wrong! I was alone
I couldn’t let him stay inside
Though it may hurt my pride
I simply fear a dangerous man”

A scream was heard from the Inn
The keeper shouted “it’s my wife!
“I thought she left, but she’s trapped!
If you don’t help her, I’ll end my life!
A victim of the dangerous man"

“Liar!” the people shouted
“You work for him, and let him go
Now you want us to burn and die
We will punish you for your lie”
They tied him up with ropes and chains
And threw him into the flames
He screamed out loud and long
As his flesh melted and turned black
chocking he let out his final words
“I am not a dangerous man”

Confusion grew in the street
They had burned the inn to dust
But nothing was gained from the bust
Someone must face the wrath
That failure had brought out that day
A man was picked, his job to greet
The stranger he was first to meet
They chained him to the rock hard ground
And beat him beneath their feet
Till all that's left was a bloody mound
All for befriending the dangerous man

The sheriff too incurred their wrath
He had failed to halt the path
That caused the pain that occurred that day
“You did it too, I’m not to blame!”
He shouted out, but was ignored
Some stood by and fought to death
Cursing former friends with last breaths
The sheriff was cut up in bits
An hour he suffered beneath their knives
As he screamed and tried to fight
His head was posted on a spike
A warning to the dangerous man

But in their haste to fix the wrong
The people missed a problem that grew
The flame spread on a wind that blew
The smoke rose and blocked the sun
All the people tried to run
But they burned and chocked on smoke
Till they were dead, every one
Without the help of the dangerous man

A stranger stood, feet in blood
Which soaked right through skin and ash
Bodies lay on the ground
Mistakes that worked like a plan
He stared at what he found
With the cold eyes of a dangerous man
A narrative poem. The story is sort of a dark, Gothic western. If I had to say, I'd call the story itself a horror.

“It would not be impossible to prove with sufficient repetition and a psychological understanding of the people concerned that a square is in fact a circle. They are mere words, and words can be molded until they clothe ideas and disguise.”
― Joseph Goebbels

So this was narrated by TriuGames with some interesting music. See here to listen to it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrdfh5…
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlegolaspanther:
Oh my gosh! I have never read something that gave such an evident image of both imagination and emotion combined. You could actually picture each scene in each stanza and feel the people's desperation and anger.

As for technique, it is very well done. Especially the repetition about the 'dangerous man'. It made you think twice about whether the there was a dangerous man or not. The volta at the end really provided one to think twice (again) about who the killer really was.

Also in my opinion, its originality is evident and genuine. The effort is definitely seen indeed.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:icongperkins10:
gperkins10 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student Photographer
This is awesome! I love the creativity and darkness! Good job!
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014   Writer
yes it is one of my darkest. thanks for all the comments!
Reply
:icondarkmaidenstories:
DarkMaidenStories Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
Very dark and enjoyable, I love that you mixed Gothic with westerns.
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014   Writer
yes they are always an awesome combination
Reply
:iconsaiyan-frost:
saiyan-frost Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I think you did very well with this; I kept reading, that's a good sign if nothing else :P. It has good flow throughout most of it, there are one or two paragraps that seemed to disrupt the flow, but it did not continue, it always seemed to return to good flow. I liked the narrative it told; it became very visualised in my mind, and I wonder even now, was he truly an evil man, or did he just look the part? We shall never know... but if he was/is evil, the townsfolk were certainly no better and could in many ways probably be considered worse.

Good work with the poem, it was quite enjoyable :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014   Writer
thanks for the feedback :)
mind if I ask which portions disrupted the flow
Reply
:iconsaiyan-frost:
saiyan-frost Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Sure thing; I'll name the paragraphs by number to save copying and pasting: 4th (just a little [on reflection this might simply be because it was the shortest so far]), 6th (2nd and 3rd lines; for some reason, reading those jars my brain - might just be a me thing), and 15th (just the first half or so). It was actually easier to read it the second time :D Anyway I'm no poet, you do way better than anything I could produce, so don't take it to heart; only take something from my comments if you actually feel it is helpful to you.
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014   Writer
they were helpful, I made some changes. Thank you!
Reply
:iconsaiyan-frost:
saiyan-frost Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure; keep up the great poetry! :D
Reply
:iconwhisker-kraft:
Whisker-Kraft Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013
Love this.
I think it depicts human nature quite well, just the idea is rather interesting.
Also, I think they structure and repetition involved is amazing as well.
Good job :D
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013   Writer
thanks, I am glad you liked it :)
Reply
:iconmadameangeldoll:
MadameAngelDoll Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
At first I didn't notice that there was rhyming in the story, but I noticed it towards the middle of the story, I really like it, very well done :D
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013   Writer
Yes I didn't emphasize the rhyme too much, just sort of used it when it was convenient. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Reply
:iconmadameangeldoll:
MadameAngelDoll Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconoftheblessed:
OfTheBlessed Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013
Very well done.
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013   Writer
thank you :)
Reply
:iconoftheblessed:
OfTheBlessed Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013
You're welcome.  :)
The only thing I feel nitpicky about is your implementation of rhyme.  
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013   Writer
alright, why? did it not work for you?
Reply
:iconoftheblessed:
OfTheBlessed Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013
It worked very well in conveying the story and message, however, the flow seemed a bit "choppy".
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013   Writer
alright, I'll keep that in mind.
thank you
Reply
:iconoftheblessed:
OfTheBlessed Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013
Thank you for typing this.
This is a message that more people should keep in mind.  Hysteria brought on by fear has the potential to be even more destructive than the source of the fear.
Once again, good job.  :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconwhatonearth:
whatonearth Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think the repetition and lack of traditional rhyme could work as a song but not so much as a poem. I like how you used poetry to tell a story. c:
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013   Writer
maybe. Well I tried it in this case, maybe next time I will do it a different way
Reply
:iconfreyrstrongart:
FreyrStrongart Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013  Hobbyist
very nice observation of how fear is growing out of proportion - an all on no grounds at all. And neat rhyming. I am probably a bit oldfashioned but I like well wrought verse if it is skillfully done. Fits this topic and gives it the right frame.
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013   Writer
thanks, I agree. I feel a lot of people turn away from rhyme and verse to easily.
Reply
:iconecho-neko8:
Echo-Neko8 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013
I really like this ^.^ I love the way you show that sometimes what makes a person dangerous is the imaginations of the people surrounding them :)

I hope you don't mind me saying, but you wrote crowed instead of crowd in the 8th paragraph :3
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013   Writer
thanks! I fixed it :)
Reply
:iconecho-neko8:
Echo-Neko8 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013
Not a problem :)
Reply
:iconashbrie13:
Ashbrie13 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Student General Artist
This is really well written, it's dark and it shows that you can't read anyone by what they look like. First impressions are not always right. 
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013   Writer
true. Also, beware of the crowds, they are often wrong.

Thanks for the comment :)
Reply
:iconashbrie13:
Ashbrie13 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Student General Artist
;) Crowds are dangerous. 

I hate people not commenting on my work, so if I see that there aren't any other comments, I do my best to make a (sort of) thought out comment. xD
Reply
:iconericambm:
EricAMBM Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013   Writer
thanks! I agree, comments and critiques are basically why I post here.
Reply
:iconashbrie13:
Ashbrie13 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Student General Artist
yeah, same XD
Reply
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