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Submitted on
December 26, 2013
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I confess
That I am not myself
I am the faceless waste of my influences
That I obey the media like a god
And society like a saint

I confess
That I am one of the crowd
I do what is expected
What is wanted and what is told
Even when I know it is wrong

I confess
That I cannot think
I am a walking machine
That has given up freedom and thought
For the sake of a simpler life

I confess
That I hate based on color
On sex and religion
Unless it is popular
To say I love instead

I confess
That I am a murderer
A thief and a scoundrel
I witnessed the greatest crimes of our time
And stood by in silent admiration

I confess
That I hated because they told me to
I killed because I wanted to
And lied because I could
But worse, I let others do the same

I confess
That I'd do anything they'd allow
And everything they'd want
That I prefer to hate myself
Then for them to hate me

All this I confess
Do you?
quick poem I wrote
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:iconlegolaspanther:
Oh most awesome work of Confessional Poetry! This is one of the first piece of confessional work that I have seen, and it has a huge impact on me. This poem in fact will have a huge impact on society altogether, since opinions are our base morals and choices in life.

I admire how you have transparently said your thoughts, then questioned an individual at the end. This offers the reader time to digest all that you have aforementioned before.

Just one little typo to fix though. In stanza two, line one change 'crowed' to 'crowd' and that is all.
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconriyokusakimori:
You have a great idea going, and it flows quite well from beginning to end, starting small but vast and general, then ending big but in a small, concentrated point. The feeling of air gradually being sucked into a singularity in the lungs of the guilty is admirable.

The following are suggested revisions:

Verse 1: "That I obey the media like a go and society as a saint" should be rewritten to make it easy to read only once. I read it twice because I did a double take on the comparison. Who is the god, you or the media? While contextually obvious, it's easier for the reader to not break the flow of the poem by stopping and rereading if you used a metaphor instead of a simile here. I.E: "That I obey the media god and pray to the saint of society."

Your style jumps from artistic to vernacular from verse to verse, which is a little jarring sometimes. You use words like Saint and God and Walking Machine, idioms like "a thief and a scoundrel" in some verses. Then in others, you don't use imagery at all, especially where it might matter if you did. For instance the second to last verse --- "I confess that I'd do anything they'd allow ... Then for them to hate me" --- it has a lot less impact because the imagery in the other verses steals the attention away from the ending. Space out your imagery a little more strategically and the words will guide the reader's subconscious a little better.

I feel like some of the verses are a little redundant. In your style of poetry, less means more because the longer you read the piece, the more numb you become to the words as they strike you. You've counteracted this well by using your small-to-large and loose-to-dense approach but you can do even better by using greater word efficiency. Raise the content-to-wordcount ratio!
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1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconphoenixheart902:
PhoenixHeart902 Mar 31, 2014  New member Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Simple, short and sweet - definitely saving this to my favourites! :)
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:iconericambm:
thank you :)
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:icontaylorswift888:
I really, really like this. You're really good
Reply
:iconthefoxsayshi:
THEFOXSAYSHI Feb 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You have earned my favorite TAKE IT!!!! *shoves in your face and waves it around like a maniac*
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:iconericambm:
AHHH OH GOD!
*looks at it carefully*
oh, hehe, thanks :)
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:iconmadameangeldoll:
MadameAngelDoll Feb 6, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Great poem :D
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:iconcaptainmisuzu:
CaptainMisuzu Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's interesting, all the sins of the modern society in one poem.
And in some point it's true we are just machine we follow "rules" of this world.
It's very simple but great in any point !
Reply
:iconnindakarinsa:
NindaKarinsa Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ugh, Why are your writings is so fantastic? ;v;
Can I ask, where do you get the idea and since when do you write? Is it years or more, since It's so cool ;v;

In short, I really like this!!

Teach me how to write senpai
Reply
:iconericambm:
haha I don't think I am that great. I have practiced a fair bit though
if you want some tips I can offer what I know, though it won't be much

thanks :)
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:icondarkmaidenstories:
DarkMaidenStories Jan 30, 2014
Short and to the point, which I liked :)
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