literature

The Men Beneath the Stones

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Literature Text

A thousand people stand
With their arms held high
Waiting in the cold
Beneath a clear blue sky

For the sound of gunshots
And the trumpets to play
As they stand on the ground
Where the soldiers lay

They will cheer and clap
As the soldiers walk by
And pay tribute to stones
With the cold tears they cry

But there is no man
Standing behind the stones
And their words mean nothing
When he died alone

When the day is over
They will cease to care
For the people who fight
They are no longer aware

But life does not change
For the people who fought
And the war is not over
And never will be forgot

So remember every day
Don’t just pay tribute to stones
Beneath them are the men
Who never could go home
Not sure about this one. It was written rather quickly.

Anyway, I always go to the ceremonies on Remembrance Day (Veteran's Day). However, sometimes it feels like people treat it like a mere formality. They lay flowers on a memorial, then leave... and forget until the next year. I don't see how thanking a stone really helps those who fell, those who fought, or their families. Instead, just always remember what they gave, and thank them when you can. Actually feelings have more meaning then an arbitrary act. Or, do your part to help them.
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KiaraDiMari's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

Hello, I am here from <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/w/r/w…" alt=":iconwriters--club:" title="Writers--club" /> as you had requested a critique.

First, I want to say, "Bravo!" The visual you created with this was very powerful. I agree that it does seem as though everyone only comes together on specific days and on those days alone to honor those who gave up so much for the freedoms we have. SOmetimes we all really do need to be reminded that those men and women need to be remembered more often than that.

That said, as you requested a critique, I have to touch on a few things. very few, but a few nonetheless. I do understand that it was written rather quickly. My biggest thing when I critique is always punctuation... in which this piece... had none. So in reading it, to me, it is like reading one long run-on sentence. As I am not aware of what kind of punctuation you would have placed within the piece had you had more time to write it, I am not sure what more to point on as far as if some would be changed, removed, or added.

In all actuality, the punctuation is the only reason why the technique is marked lower than I would have like to give you. It is a very beautifully written peace that really impacts a reader, especially a reader who this might personally affect in one way, or another.

Thank you for sharing this piece and allowing <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/w/r/w…" alt=":iconwriters--club:" title="Writers--club" /> for seeing/sharing it with others. I wish you many blessings on your path <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/a/a…" width="15" height="15" alt=":aww:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="349" title="Aww"/>